Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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