My friends, they love my intelligence
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
