Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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