my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You can't motorboat a personality
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
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If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
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My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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