so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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