i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
