You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
