Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
