it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize