As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize