In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I think I just sharted jello shots
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