Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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