You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
