She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
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I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
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We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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