im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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