If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
