can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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