we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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