wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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