Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
