I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
