Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
