so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
