I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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