Duck Duck Cougar?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
