one might say we're banned from that church
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
