she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
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