We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
