You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
