ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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