Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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