I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
