I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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