I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Did you just see the Batmobile???
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
