if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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