If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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