There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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