she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
