are you still at the devil's house?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
