Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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