you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
