I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize