weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
