i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
