Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
