The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
