i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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