i think my tv is drunk
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
