took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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