i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
