I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
