my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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