It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
