lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
