So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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