the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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