At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Brb crying the tears of my youth
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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