One girl and one boy is just not enough.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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