I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
