Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
