The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
