found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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