I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
