I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
